Sometimes Blooming Looks Like Starting Over
After another disappointment recently occurred, I asked myself a series of questions:
What are you looking for?
What do you need right now?
The short answer to both is, “I need a safe space to start over.”
To someone who managed to seemingly have it all together in my 20s, the idea of starting over when I’m “supposed to know better” has been scary. I’ve wanted to do nothing more than bury my head in the sand and not try. I’ve wanted to give up on everything, especially myself because I’d convinced myself things wouldn’t hurt as much if didn’t get my hopes up.
But you and I know that’s not true, so I’ve decided to do the hardest thing ever as I inch closer to 40; I’m rebuilding my life.
Letting Go of Past Expectations
I’ve held onto the same career dream since I was 17 years and that’s why being laid off as I tried to start solidifying my career hurt as much as it did. I felt I was letting my younger self down by not being able to hold on to my former role. But, I looked back at my accomplishments and realized I did a lot in a short period of time.
Maybe things didn’t pan out the way I expected, but I’m learning how to move past that. There’s no reason for me to think I didn’t do enough when my portfolio says otherwise. What I’m in the thick of is figuring out what I want now. The same goes for my motherhood journey. The one I’ve always imagined being a certain way, but I’m not so sure of anymore.
I’ll be the first one to admit that while I’d love to have my kids, I’m terrified of trying to conceive again only to be met with more miscarriages. I haven’t decided if I want my body and emotions to experience the rapid rise + crash of emotions again. What I can say is that I’m embracing letting go of controlling my fertility journey.
If I’m able to have a healthy, viable pregnancy that leads to a safe birth, I know I’ll be more than okay with that. However, I’m teaching myself how to be okay if that doesn’t happen again for me. It’s certainly not the ideal scenario, but expecting for things to flow perfectly when this is just one of many situations that’s out of my control is insanity.
I can plan all I want, but some things are out of my hands and I have to be okay with it. I may not ever understand the why behind certain outcomes, but I can make do with knowing I’ll be fine if I don’t receive or achieve something I’ve always looked forward to.
Rebranding My Podcast
Originally, The Edited and Styled Podcast was supposed to work. I thought I’d found a great name that aligned with this season of growth, but it turns out it was just the beginning of something better. Actually, this is the positive version of this story. What you don’t know is that I wanted to walk away from my podcast altogether because I didn’t feel inspired to be creative. I thought I was losing my spark, but I didn’t know that something else was being planted.
During a tedious day at my 9-5 job last week, I started listening to different podcasts to give me something else to think about. After about the third episode, a random thought popped into my head: “You should rename your podcast.” It was as if someone whispered in my ear, making me shaking my head in disbelief. There was no way I was going to entertain that thought. But, it kept creeping into my brain every other second…So, I grabbed a notepad and started jotting down ideas.
Although I thought something that included “office hours” in my podcast’s title would be cute, I realized there a one too many podcasts that had the same idea. Still, I knew my rebrand had to mirror my reality while being relatable and memorable. After toying around with the concept of working a 9-5, I couldn’t shake something one of my former co-workers used to call my son; “little bestie.” I started laughing to myself because I walked away from that, but I couldn’t stop wondering how funny it would be to call myself the “9-to-5 Bestie.”
After doing a little more brainstorming, I settled on one more thing that aligns with my name — Jasmine. Technically, it’s a flower and I’d been writing about growth which led me to embrace Your 9-to-Bloom Bestie.
With everything that’s going on in the world, I think it’s the perfect time to talk about topics best friends would cover. Plus, it’ll feature some of my besties and their perspectives. Who knows, you may even hear a throwback interview featuring two best friends turned popular #BookTok authors!
Restarting My Wellness Journey
After a rough 11 months of dealing with the rapid rising and crashing of my hormones, I’ve decided to restart my wellness journey. I’m fortunate that my cycle is regular after my third miscarriage, but I know I can’t keep eating certain things or not exercising consistently. Between my fiancé and I, we’ve written down anti-inflammatory foods we’re replacing our vices with. One of the ways we narrowed this down is by keeping a food journal.
It helped us determine what was triggering an upset digestive system, sluggish feelings and acne breakouts. Now that we have a better idea, eating healthier foods is at the top of our list. Between that and incorporating more movement in our daily lives, this wellness journey feels more personal this time.
Though we’ve embarked on a wellness journey before, our commitment this time feels stronger…more aligned.
